[Top 5] Games That Deserve Sequels and/or Remakes

Sorry for being about two weeks late with this latest Friday update.  I've had a lot on my plate in college land.  Hopefully this little article will appease you and get rid of any hard feelings.  No?  Oh well, I'll post it anyway.

Normally sequels and remakes are an atrocity and the people behind them deserve to be drug out into the street and shot.  Sequels suck and are made to cash in on a previous success without requiring much thought or effort.  The only constant exceptions are planned sequels, trilogies, and series.

On the same note, most remakes are just “get rich quick” schemes that take classic games, update the graphics, maybe throw in some extra features like expanded multiplayer, an extra weapon, new costumes, or a super cool and horribly overpowered weapon.

However, there are some games that truly deserve a sequel or a remake, and I plan on bringing some of those games to light.  If you disagree with me then go ahead and let me know in the comments section.  If it turns out that such a game has already been made, also inform me of this so I can go out and buy it.

5. Comix Zone

Comics, action, sunglasses, and ponytails.  Comix Zone is truly a representative of the '90s.

Comix Zone is an older game from 90s that proves that you don't need a sensible or plausible story line in order to make sense.  In fact, most games seem to follow that line of thought, so maybe it's better if you just ignore what I wrote.

I don't remember much of Comix Zone, aside from the fact that I was a kick-ass comic book artist that was dragged into a comic by its main villain.  Once inside, I proceeded to kick ass and take names until I got to this one pit I could never get across.  Ever.

Seriously, I spent about 80% of the time playing that game at the freaking pit where I would constantly die because I couldn't jump far enough.  I don't even think I managed to make it out of the first Episode, that's how hard the game was, or how bad I was.  Given that I was only 7 or 8 when I played Comix Zone, it wouldn't surprise me if I was just bad at video games.

Sega, or whoever controls this game now, please revisit this gem.  I know that it can be downloaded on Steam, but you can do better.  Toss in some more episodes or extra endings or improve the game play through more combos (although that might bring it too far into the fighting genre).

Or maybe release Comix Zone 2 where Sketch has to go back into his comics for some reason and kick the ass of an ever stronger villain than Mortus.  You know what?  A sequel sounds a lot better than a remake.  Make a sequel!

4. Gauntlet

From the Golden Age of gaming where you still had to go outside to play.

When I heard that "Gauntlet" was going to be released for the Nintendo DS I just about shit myself in sheer joy.  I'd be able to play one of the classic dungeon crawl games with friends (because when I little I didn't have friends, clearly) and better graphics.

Then Eidos Studios delayed the game's release.  Then they delayed it again.  Now, four years after its "initial release," Gauntlet DS hasn't hit the shelves and in all likelihood has been cancelled.  My hopes and dreams were crushed, and I would never be able to play Gauntlet with my friends.

Me when I'm old and still haven't played Gauntlet with my friends.

Eidos Studios or Backbone or whoever owns the rights to the game, just release it already.  Everything I read made it sound like you almost finished the game anyway.  If you don't feel like doing that, then hopefully someone else will.

All I really want is some classic hack'n'slash dungeon crawling game that I can play with 1-4 people on a Friday night when all of the cool kids are out drinking and talking to the ladies, is that too much?  I'll even take the smart-ass narrator that loves to remind me over and over again that "The wizard needs food badly!"

I AM AWARE THAT I'M HUNGRY, THANK YOU!

3. Final Fantasy Tactics Advance and Final Fantasy Tactics Advance 2: Grimoire of the Rift

Dear Square Enix, please give me the hundreds of hours I spent playing your games back.

The Final Fantasy Tactics Advance series did two good things for me: introduced me to small-army tactics games (as opposed to Advanced Wars, which is all about amassing a relatively large force), and get me into the Final Fantasy series (although the only other Final Fantasy game I ended up playing was FF3).

The games were beautifully designed, the combat was solid, and the storylines were pretty good.  As a brief recap, in FFTA you were Marche, a kid growing up in the town of St. Ivalice that suddenly found himself in the magical kingdom of Ivalice.  Marche’s goal is to return home with his friends and younger brother, most of whom do not wish to return to their hum drum lives (would you?).  Eventually he convinces everyone that living in Ivalice is a form of escapism and that it’s not healthy to run away from your problems all the time.  End Story, roll credits, applause.  Was Marche the hero, or was he a villain?  FFTA left quite a few unanswered questions.

FFTA2 has a much more upbeat storyline and a happier character: Luso Clemens.  Luso also lives in St. Ivalice with his worrisome aunt.  One day after school, Luso has to serve detention by cleaning up the library.  He finds an old book and is transported to Ivalice (apparently the real one this time).  Unlike Marche, Luso has no intentions of returning home, he’s going to explore and generally have a good time.  However, as fate would have it, Luso needs to step up to the plate and prevent the big bad evil lady Illua from destroying or rewriting the world in her own image (it’s been awhile, okay?).  In the end Luso succeeds, we end the story, roll the credits, and applaud.

Now to the main part of this entry: I want to see Final Fantasy Tactics Advance 3.  The Nintendo 3DS came out not too long ago, so the fine people at Square Enix should be falling all over themselves at the chance to call it Final Fantasy Tactics Advance 3DS: Talisman of the Ancients or something like that.

However, I don’t want the same old “boy finds book, boy is transported to Ivalice” story.  I want a girl to find the book (it’s 2012, we can have female protagonists now), but I want the main character to be a native of Ivalice, not someone from our world.  Make the story about him trying to help the girl, who’s scared and alone in this world, get back home.

Basically, I want this.

2. EA Games’ The Lord of the Ring Trilogy

The Lord of the Rings is probably the best-known modern fantasy series out there.  No, forget I said that.  It is the best known modern fantasy series out there.  Without J.R.R. Tolkien’s works, we wouldn’t have modern fantasy.  There would be no Dungeons and Dragons, which in turn means that the fantasy video games based off of D&D (note: all of them) wouldn’t exist.  Tolkien made it possible to like elves, dwarves, dragons, and hobbits.  Then almost 50 years later Peter Jackson came along and made it cool to like elves, dwarves, dragons, and hobbits!

EA Games took The Lord of the Rings movie trilogy and turned them into three fairly successful games that I quite enjoyed.  It doesn’t get much better than being an elf archer bringing down mumakil and trolls with well-placed arrows (or more accurately a barrage of well-placed arrows) or taking on a small army of orcs and Uruk-Hai as Samwise the Brave.

Samwise Gamgee.  Best hobbit, or best hobbit?

Not to mention that the games looked awesome when they were released (which was back when the GameCube, Playstation 2, and original Xbox were the consoles to have).  Compared to today, they look like crap and they don’t offer nearly enough game play.  Today’s gamers are used to have hundreds of hours of game play in a single game, something that the three LotR games together can’t offer without replaying levels several times.

I’m thinking that EA Games should get together and have another look at their video game trilogy.  Update the graphics, add a little more to the combat to make it more cinematic (even if it’s just the “kill cams” that have become so popular lately), make each of the levels bigger in terms of space and game play, and make the leveling system feel more complete.  Maybe “borrow” some things from Skyrim, making various perks and abilities available to the different characters rather than simply having the players buy the same set of combos and health upgrades over and over again for different characters.  And let us play with our friends either online or in the same room.  Or both.  Yeah, make it both.

Oh, and definitely let us play as the entire Fellowship without having to unlock characters just to play them on already completed levels.  Aragorn was playable in each of the games, but I wasn’t able to play as Merry or Pippin until I had already thrown Gollum into the fires of Mt. Doom.  I want to be able to play as Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, and Boromir (and I suppose Faramir for when Boromir kicks it) without having to jump through hoops!  Am I acting like an entitled gamer?  Maybe a little, but these are main characters!  I’d gladly have to unlock some characters, but make it secondary characters like Eowyn, Arwen, and Haldir (and I guess Boromir after he dies).

EA Games, I beseech you.  Take your LotR game trilogy and turn it into one super game that tells the entire story of The Lord of the Rings from the Shire all the way to Mt. Doom.  Give me the games I loved with improved graphics, more levels, and overall better game play!  Please?

1. The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask

If the Skull Kid's creepy laugh didn't immediately play in your head, you need to turn you N64 back on a play some more.

The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask is my all-time favorite Zelda game.  I’m not entirely sure why, but I found the idea of running around wearing magical masks as a 10 or 11 year old kid endearing.  Maybe it’s because the masks I ran around wearing at those ages were boring pieces of cardboard and plastic that were no more magical than my toenail clippings.

I Googled “Magical Toes” and got this.  No, I don’t understand the connection either…

 In fact, I love this game so much that I want to get a permanent tattoo on my body (which is a temple, mind you), from this game.  And not the typical Triforce tattoo that most Zelda nerds get.  No, I’m talking about Darmani’s tattoo.

What?? It means "loyalty" and "brotherhood" to me.  And also that I'm a giant nerd.

 So yeah, there’s that.  Anyway, Nintendo recently released The Ocarina of Time for the 3DS, and while I haven’t played it, it looks stunning for a handheld game.  I’m not entirely sure what they changed and what stayed the same aside from the graphics and some game controls that were altered to fit the 3DS platform.  However, I trust that Nintendo hasn’t killed Ocarina with its remake.

Nintendo, if you remake Majora’s Mask for the 3DS, I will buy your newest handheld just so I can play that game.  If you aren’t aware, Nintendo, I haven’t purchased anything from you console-wise since my Nintendo DS Lite I got about four or five years ago.  The last game I bought was probably the Fire Emblem remake, which is sitting in my dresser while I play and replay Advanced Wars DS and Mario Kart DS.

Suffice to say, Nintendo, getting me to buy something from you would be a pretty big deal for me.  Not because I haven’t wanted to (believe me, not owning Skyward Sword hurts my soul), but because there are other things I have to buy first.  Like food.

Unlike some of the other games, I have no requests as to what you do with Majora's Mask save two, Nintendo.  One: remake it for the 3DS, and two: don't completely fuck it up.

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[Top 10] Girls from The Legend of Zelda

The Legend of Zelda is a relatively popular video game series (you’ve probably heard about it) chock-full of swords, magic, triangles, hats, fish people, talking shrubs, and girls.  Yes, you heard (or rather read) correctly: girls.  In the 26 years the franchise has been out (that’s longer than some of you kiddos have been alive!), The Legend of Zelda has given us great stories, compelling characters, and enough water dungeons to make you want to scream.

But this article isn’t about everything the Zelda series has to offer.  Instead, I’ll be talking about the 10 best girls in the games, because we all know you’ve fantasized about one or more of them at least once (or is it just me?).  *Ahem* Anyway, here we go!

Oh, and there are some spoilers for those of you who have not played these games.  Sorry in advance, but you’ve been warned.

10. The Oracles

Appeared In: The Oracle of Ages, The Oracle of Seasons, The Minish Cap, Ocarina of Time

I realize that the Oracles are technically three individual girls, but they’re also sisters and (kinda) goddesses, so I think I can break the rule and include them in one entry.  Besides, if I do, that’s more girls we get to include in the article, and I’m sure no one has an issue with that!

Anyway, the Oracles are Din (left), Farore (center), and Nayru (right), three women that share their names with the goddesses that, according to some legends, created Hyrule and the lands surrounding it.  We’ll start with Din.

Din is the Oracle of Seasons, meaning that she can decide when it’s winter (hopefully never), when we can all go swimming, when the leaves fall, and when it’s time for Spring Break.  In short, she’s pretty powerful.  She’s also a talented dancer and many believe that she’s an incarnation of Din, the Goddess of Power.

Farore is the mysterious Oracle of Secrets, and when I say mysterious, I mean it.  Her game, The Legend of Zelda: Mystical Seed of Courage was originally supposed to be released along the Oracle of Ages and Oracle of Seasons, but was scrapped.  Instead, Farore got stuck living in a tree and keeping track of incredibly powerful secrets that Link could learn if he traveled between the lands of Holodrum and Labrynna.  While it may seem like Farore got the short end of the proverbial stick, she is likely an incarnation of the Goddess of Courage (note: the goddess responsible for making Link), so she’s probably okay with living in a tree, it’s quiet there.

Nayru is the third and final Oracle and is also known as the Oracle of Ages.  In her main game, Nayru is a talented singer and can travel from the present to the past, and vice-versa, but apparently not into the future (Either that or she doesn’t let us know that she can.  Clever girl…).  She was possessed by the Sorceress Veran, but was later saved by Link and helped the Hero of Time save Labrynna from a dark fate.  Not bad.  Oh, and like the other two Oracles, Nayru is believed to the incarnation of the Goddess of Wisdom, who shares her name.

9. Anju

Zeldawiki.org

Appeared In: Ocarina of Time, Majora’s Mask, The Minish Cap

Anju has appeared in three different Zelda games (two of which are my personal favorites, guess which ones they are).  She’s most often a Cucco keeper, although why anyone would want to keep those murderous fowl as pets is beyond me.  However, Anju’s breakout role is in Majora’s Mask where she tells us her name and asks us to help reunite her with her fiancé Kafei.

If you’ve never played Majora’s Mask the storyline involves saving the evil-faced moon from crashing into Termina and destroying everyone in it.  Yeah, yeah, we know it’s a big deal, but in many ways reuniting Anju and Kafei seems so much more important.  Heroes are supposed to save the world, but saving a wedding isn’t something Link’s commonly called upon, so when he is, he makes sure the job gets done!

Anju is a nervous young woman who can’t cook to save her life (trust me on this), and to make matters worst, her fiancé has disappeared and her mother keeps telling her that he ran off with Cremia, Anju’s best friend.  However, Anju doesn’t despair and calls upon our hero Link to help her.

She shows her true courage near the end of the game when she’s finally reunited with Kafei and instead of running away from the doomed Clock Town, she and her fiancé decide to stay behind and greet the dawn together.

8. Saria

Zeldawiki.org

Appeared In: Ocarina of Time

Girl number eight likes taking long walks in the forest, listening to ocarina music, the color green, and sealing away ancient evil.  Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: Saria!  She is Link’s best friend in Ocarina of Time (arguably the best Zelda game), and when I say “best friend,” I really mean “only friend.”

While everyone else is having fun mocking the Hero of Time, Saria plays it smart and sticks up for him, a good move in the long run.  Like the Oracles, Saria is not all that she appears to be.  Packed inside this three-foot-tall Kokiri lass is the power of the Sage of Forest.

Saria plays a pivotal role in Ocarina of Time by helping Link take the fight to Ganondorf and saving Hyrule from eternal darkness.  Not bad for a girl that’s eternally 10-years-old.

7. Princess Ruto

Zeldawiki.org

Appeared In: Ocarina of Time

Ruto and I had a love-hate relationship when I played Ocarina of Time.  I went charging ahead into Jabu-Jabu’s stomach to rescue her (Jabu-Jabu being a giant whale/fish creature), she decides that I should carry her around on my back, severely limiting my combat and “rescuing fish princesses” capabilities.  But whatever, it kept her from bitching at me the whole time, and if there’s one thing I and most other guys in the world hate, it’s getting bitched at.

Personal rant aside, Princess Ruto does a 360 when you meet her seven years later.  She’s no longer a selfish spoiled brat.  Instead, she’s become a confident and capable woman who takes her duties as the princess of the Zora quite seriously.  After narrowly escaping a freezing fate, Ruto dives headlong into the Water Temple, which any Zelda fan can tell you is the worst kind of temple (seriously, watch videos about Water Temples, they suck).

Oh, and Princess Ruto’s the only girl who is actually straightforward about her attraction to Link (*hint, hint* Zelda).

6. Impa

Zeldawiki.org

Appears In: The Legend of Zelda, Skyward Sword, Ocarina of Time, Oracle of Seasons, Oracle of Ages, The Adventure of Link

Impa is, for lack of better word, a badass (and very likely a ninja).  She made her first appearance in The Legend of Zelda (well, the manual) and is responsible for seeking out Link so Princess Zelda could be rescued and Ganon defeated.  She steps up her game in Ocarina of Time, where she is Zelda’s guardian and a Sheikah (a.k.a. a badass ninja, as previously mentioned).  In Skyward Sword, Impa’s retains her role as Zelda’s guardian, protecting the young girl and staying with her in the past.

While she doesn’t always play a prominent role in the games, when Impa’s around she’s usually out in the battlefield being awesome (I’m going to let the Oracle games slide).  She’s shown that she’s capable of duking it out of Ghirahim, she can turn invisible, and she can seal away ancient evil in a well.  All in a day’s work for Impa.

5. Fi

Zeldawiki.org

Appeared In: Skyward Sword

While Eiji Aonuma says that Fi isn’t technically female (and as the man in charge of The Legend of Zelda, I’m inclined to agree with him), Fi is definitely feminine in appearance, and since every other companion for Link has been female, we’ll call her a girl.  Now that we’ve taken care of that, on to the meat of this particular entry!

Fi is the spirit of the Master Sword (a.k.a. the most powerful weapon in The Legend of Zelda) and also serves as the guide of its wielder (Link).  She’s also one of the first companions since Majora’s Mask to provide useful information when asked (in Midna’s defense she would point out the weaknesses of some bosses), which is so very nice.  Her last power is the ability to turn the Master Sword into a dowsing machine to help Link find treasure or people.

Once the day is saved from Ghirahim, Fi fades away into the Master Sword, never to be heard from again (unless she makes an appearance in the next game).

4. Malon

Zeldawiki.org

Appeared In: Ocarina of Time, The Minish Cap, Oracle of Seasons

Oh Malon, you were always my favorite girl (what, I have a thing for redheads, sue me!).  Now, before anyone gets up in arms about the picture, I just want to point out that Cremia and Romani (pictured) are the counterparts to adult and child Malon respectively.  So when you look at them, you pretty much see Malon at ages 17 and 10.

Anyway, Malon gets the number four slot because she provides Link with one of his greatest allies ever: Epona.  And she’s cute.  Malon comes across as very down to earth and is easily the more responsible of the two Lons (Seriously, her father is a lazy good-for-nothing!).  She spends most of her time raising horses, Cuccos, and cattle, but every now and then she takes a break to race or sing, and between you and me, she’s got an amazing voice.

Sadly, Malon has not made an appearance since The Minish Cap, which saddens me.  Did we really need Ilia?  I, for one, would have preferred this copper-haired beauty.

3. Midna

Zeldawiki.org

Appeared In: Twilight Princess

I’ll give it to you straight, I hated Midna at first.  She was always ordering me around, making me collect stupid jewels for her against my will, treating me like a dog.  It was almost like having a terrible girlfriend, something I like to avoid as a general rule.  However, it wasn’t too far into the game where I began to love Midna.  We had just blown up a bomb warehouse, and the only thing she could think to say was “Well, I guess that’s the way the cookie crumbles.”

After that it was me and Midna, causing all sorts of trouble in our attempts to save Hyrule.  And once Princess Zelda was safe, Midna decided she had enough of being a two foot imp and turned into the picture above.  Not bad, not bad at all (she’s more human than Ruto at least).  Now if only she was able to tell me more about my enemies…

2. Princess Zelda

Zeldawiki.org

Appeared In: Pretty much everything but Majora’s Mask and Link’s Awakening

I bet some of you are confused that Princess Zelda is only ranked at number two, despite the entire franchise being about her.  Well, I don’t know what to tell you, so I guess I’ll just write this entry and be done with it.

Zelda’s pretty boss, she’s the Princess of Hyrule, the Seventh Sage, the Oracle of Hope, and the Spirit Maiden.  In other words, she’s got a lot of work on her hands trying to keep Hyrule safe long enough for Link to clean up the mess.  She’s also apparently an incarnation of the goddess Hylia and is born again every couple hundred years alongside the Hero of Time.

My favorite part about the Princess Zelda is her ability to disguise herself and kick some serious ass.  In the Ocarina of Time she was Sheik, the “last of the Sheikah” and a badass ninja (just like Impa!).  In Wind Waker she disguised herself as Tetra, a young pirate captain that sailed around and didn’t follow anyone’s rules but her own.

Perhaps the most frustrating thing about Zelda is the fact that she and Link never tie the knot despite the fact that every fan of the series knows they should (it’s like Jim and Pam from The Office!).  However, given the fact that the two main character undergo reincarnation quite often, that’d almost mean that they’re related… possibly?  I don’t know, reincarnation’s not really my thing.

1. Navi

Zeldawiki.org

Appeared In: Ocarina of Time

Hey! Listen!  I’m pretty sure a lot of you are confused as to why I’d give Navi first place in this column, so hear me out.  Navi is assigned to protect and guide Link by the Deku Tree, and by God she does her best throughout the entire game.  Now I know that Navi is annoying as hell, shouting “Hey!” and “Listen!” more often than you breathe, but on the bright side she doesn’t ride you around the world or complain about some stupid kid with a mask ruining everything for her (I’m looking at you Midna and Tatl).

And let us not forget that Navi was a key part of the Z-Targeting system in Ocarina of Time, which was a pretty big deal at the time.  She changed the system from an upside down triangle into a mini encyclopedia about nearly every enemy monster in the game.  The only enemy that manages to throw off Navi is Ganon himself!  The Gerudo King is the only one strong enough to stop Navi from helping you out, how many other companions in any game are that loyal?

Once Ganon is defeated, Navi apologizes for her inability to help in that fight, but the moment the Prince of Darkness returns, she turns to Link (or so I’d assume, it’s kinda hard to tell given that she’s nothing more than a winged ball of light) and says: “There’s no way he’s going to hold me back again!  This time, we fight together!”

So yeah, Navi is the best Zelda girl out there.  No one else comes close, not even Zelda herself.

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