[Gaming On A Budget] Part I: Bitching, BioWare, and Realm of the Mad God

Hey, you know what I hate? A lot of stuff. Because I'm incredibly bitter. I don't care if you just had a baby, it looks like a pruney and pink gremlin. Yes, your "varsity" lawn is great, but I don't want to hear about how you sold your soul to get it so nice and green. And, really, I could name about one less than infinity things that I'd rather be doing than hearing about your day. That one thing that I couldn't name? It's hearing about your day. Surprise.

"Honey, that pact I made with Satan came through!
What do you mean 'the baby's gone'? Look at the lawn!!"

But, something I do like is video games. Video games in the morning. Video games in the evening. Video games at supper time. Sadly, even video games have found a way to piss me off. See this?

FINISH THE FIGHT.... for sixty bucks.
MEET A PROTHEAN..... for ten dollars and a shit-eating grin from the Gamestop employee
REALIZE THAT YOU'VE JUST BEEN RIPPED OFF... priceless/your dignity(?)

This was sixty bucks. Seventy bucks, if you were as much of an idiot as I was and bought the DLC. I paid seventy dollars for a piece of entertainment that will last me about, eh, 40 hours? 50, maybe? Granted, that's just considering the single player experience, but I'm not feeling too good about going online any time soon. Apparently (at the time of writing this), there are hacked maps and if you play on one, you can get banned from not only the multiplayer but the singleplayer too, and.... Well, that's material for a whole other review.

I have many names... Satan, HIM, Beelz...

But, you can call me 'Aaryn Flynn.'
Now, about that future DLC for Mass Effect 3 with the real endings..."

The point is is that I love video games, but I hate how expensive they are. If I wanted an expensive hobby, I'd get into Warhammer or an MMO. Maybe buy a handgun and go to the shooting range. I could guzzle expensive bourbons, or I could even go down the street and spend 80 bucks an hour for a little slap and tickle from Ezmeralda and Candice... I got plenty of other options that probably have varying amounts of “fun” attached to them, and they could very well contain more funs than my blind 60-70 dollar investment does.

So, what the hell am I supposed to do? I don't have the disposable income for this: I'm a college student. I only have another year of my parents paying for everything before I have to start depending on my salary as a teacher, and we all know how hilarious of a joke that is. The resolution here is simple: play cheap and free games that still supply enough entertainment value to keep me “happy.” Not my biggest challenge, as that particular title belongs to the “don't toss your Sega Genesis out the window while playing Kid Chameleon as an eight-year-old” challenge... But, it's still going to be considerably difficult.

God DAMN IT, BLOODY SWAMP.
I will murder whoever thought rubber stairs was a good idea EVER.

The first game I'm reviewing is called Realm of the Mad God. Created by a small game company, Wild Shadow Studios, Realm of the Mad God is a flash-based MMO that's played from your browser. Nostalgia waved over me instantly as I was presented with several pixelated characters. There are 13 character classes to choose from, though only one is immediately available to you right off the bat: the Wizard. As you play the game and level up your selected class, you unlock the other classes. Surviving as a level five Wizard allows you access to the Priest class. Making it to level five as a Priest makes the Hunter class available. And so on. When you play for the first time, you are taken through a tutorial that gives you the basics of gameplay: WASD to move, mouse to aim, left click to attack, spacebar to use your class's special move (like the Rogue's invisibility or the Priest's healing magic). It also gives you a handy magical ring that will hopefully help you survive longer. That's essentially it.

The cutest murder machines you've ever seen

The game is sinister in its approach, however. What seems to be a relatively easy game in the beginning becomes ball-bustingly hard as you progress through the Realm. The enemies start off as pirates and baby scorpions for you to whomp on.... and then there's the Leviathan and the Tomb Ancients and of course, Oryx: the Mad God himself. They will all crush you. Indefinitely. Even when you think you and fifty other people managed to kill him, you discover that it was just his Simulacrum..... The Real Mad God awaits you in his Wine Cellar.

The best thing about this game is its “I couldn't give less of a shit” attitude it has toward the players. If you die? You're dead. Game over. All items on your person are lost forever. All of your character's progress is gone. Take a look at the leaderboards, see that your character was no where close to as good as these other dead chumps, and then start all over again..... That's awesome. We live in a world in which our video games hold our hands. Yeah, I'm playing through Mass Effect 3 on Insanity right now. Is it really hard? Yeah, of course it is. One shot from an enemy can easily take my lifebar divebomb down to a sliver. But, guess what? If I die? I can just reload from the last save point and try it again. And again. And again. Until I finally get it done and I can move on. Realm of the Mad God takes that idea, picks up the corpse of your max-level Knight full of high tier gear, wipes its bitterly sweet cutesy pixelated ass on it, and says “Better luck next time, dumbass!”

[I'd Google "pixel ass" for a picture to insert here, but I'd rather not flag the FBI. Use your imaginations, guys.]

Now, it's time for me to spit a few specifics out here for you. The game is completely free, to an extent. There is a real-money-into-internet-money thing going on here, but it really is optional. The coins that you can buy can be used to buy additional chests for account-wide item storage, additional character slots, name changes, and items that are simply cosmetic. Now, you CAN buy keys to dungeons and healing potions with coins, but as most players will tell you, it isn't even worth it... Mostly because you are only given one character slot and one chest for free, per account. If you'd buy anything for the game, it'd probably be additional character slots; otherwise, you can only play one character at a time. If you want to try a different class because oh man, you just got this sweet-ass sword that Knights can use and you're a Wizard....it looks like you'll have to say goodbye to your Wizard.

"Dear mom: I'm sorry, but I must leave forever...

A Staff of Necrotic Arcana just dropped, and I can't use it,
because somebody thought I'd make a great Knight. THANKS, DAD."

But, hey, it's hard to complain about something that's free. The game has several servers connected by a hub (called "The Nexus"), and each server can hold a little over 80 people simultaneously. Also, every time the server's inhabitants manage to kill the Mad God, the entire world gets completely remade into a new one. The player base consists mostly of English-speaking people, though I have met quite a few Russians during my travels. Everyone is helpful, generally. Occasionally you'll get the annoying beggar, or someone will grab an item that you wanted, but none of it usually matters too much. If you get annoyed with a certain player, it takes about a grand total of 30 seconds to switch servers. As for the items, most of the good stuff that drops depends on how much damage you do to higher-level monsters. These item drops, which will be purple instead of the typical brown, can only be seen and picked up by you: no one else will have a clue that something special dropped just for you. Therefore, item stealing only really happens in the early stages of your character's journey... even then, the items being stolen are hardly worth the tears.

All in all, this game is pretty addicting. I've sunk some major hours into this fun little game without spending a single cent. If you got some free time, a little patience to lose, and a thirst for mindless nostalgic point-and-shoot with a twist... Check out Realm of the Mad God. Before I leave, I should warn those of you out there with bad internet connections: play Realm of the Mad God at your own risk. Your character can easily die due to a lag spike, and if you've spent a great deal of time getting that character leveled up, prepare to become butthurt.

This is Cameron Lawrence, signing off. See me next time when I either rant about how pissed off I am at Bioware for ruining a perfectly good franchise... Or, when I talk about how I want to have mind-blowingly passionate/rough sex with whoever thought up the little game that's sweeping the nation, Draw Something. Goodnight.

They never found the body of Spiderman 3: The Video Game.

They'll never find you

Helpful Links:

Realm of the Mad God

Realm of the Mad God Wiki Incredibly useful, I highly recommend giving this site a look-through before beginning your first game.

Image sources for those so inclined, in order of appearance.

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I Don't Smoke Video Games

As many of you know, the gaming industry is constantly targeted in the legal system, usually due to the level of violence in video games. Ironically, the industry is under fire for games that feature characters under fire. Today, I’d like to focus on the legal issues that have recently engulfed the gaming industry and discuss their importance to us as consumers.

California and the Supreme Court

sdgln.com

Back in June of 2011, the Supreme Court Justices, in a 7-2 ruling, refused a California law prohibiting the sale of violent video games to patrons under the age of 18. The law didn’t name any specific video game, but lawyers called special attention to Postal 2. The law purposed to issue a fine of $1,000 to any one selling or renting a violent game to a minor, similar to laws that fine those who sell cigarettes to minors.  The law was ultimately overturned, citing our right to Freedom of Speech.

Postal 2 Screenshot | fileplanet.com

Justice Stephen Breyer stated his feelings about the law saying, “… The statue prevents no one from playing a video game, it prevents no adult from buying a video game, and it prevents no child or adolescent from obtaining a game provided a parent is willing to help.”

He has a point. The law does not explicitly say that children cannot play the games, just that they cannot purchase it. Again, this is much like cigarette laws, where purchasing is the criminal act, not participating in it. Personally, I feel this is entirely flawed. If you’re going to do it, do it right. I’ve always had a problem with cigarettes laws, as those that exist don’t actually serve to stop the negative behavior, rather it serves as a deterrent. The same logic applies to this video game restriction as it only creates roadblocks, instead of stopping the problem all together.  And, more importantly, is there even a problem?

The Video Game Health Labeling Act of 2011

gamespy.com

Apparently Congressman Joe Baca thought so. Back in 2011, Baca thought that he’d draw an even bigger comparison between cigarettes and video games when he proposed an act that would force game manufacturers to don a label stating “WARNING: Excessive exposure to violent videogames and other violent media has been linked to aggressive behavior.”  The fact that this bill was met with little to no reception back in 2009 didn’t discourage Baca from trying again, this time with a co-sponsor.

gamefront.com

While I’m all for the ERSB ratings that are found on both the front and (in greater detail) back of the video game cases, I feel this would be overkill. What is to stop us from putting labels on every magazine that read, "WARNING: Reading this may increase your self awareness to a point where you overanalyze yourself and become so critical of your appearance that your self esteem will all but disappear.”

The repercussions of entertainment have always been a cause of concern for consumers. As new forms of media evolve, so evolves the ability to blame new forms of media for society’s problems. Remember Marilyn Manson and how he taught your kid to shoot up their high school? Remember Braveheart and how it taught you to moon your enemies and then murder them? If we are to overly criticize one medium, let us overly criticize them all, equally. Let us suspend reality for a moment and pretend video games are the sole type of media being consumed by today’s youth. Many studies have been conducted to ascertain the nature of the link between violence and video games and studies from The Harvard Medical School Center for Mental Health and The British Medical Journal, among others, have shown no conclusive connection between the two. So even if I were to believe that video games are the only place these kids are getting their information, how am I supposed to believe they are detrimental to a minor’s mental health? It is surprising that these lawsuits even come about. I mean, we do want to be responsible for our own actions, don’t we?

How Lineage II “ruined” a man’s life

linega2media.com

In 2010, a man named Craig Smallwood filed a lawsuit against NCsoft of South Korea, for compensatory damages because their game Lineage II was too addictive. Smallwood had logged between 20,000 hours between 2004 and 2009. He alleged that he “would not have begun playing if he was aware that he would become addicted to the game.” Ultimately District Judge Alan Kay ruled that the case could at least go to trial stating, “…The court finds that plaintiff [Smallwood] has stated a claim for both negligence and gross negligence.” While the case isn’t likely to go any further, it does raise some questions.

This is exactly why we have legal officials pushing these laws and bills that prohibit and restrict our freedoms as America consumers. When people fail to take responsibility for their own actions, it makes it okay for someone else to make decisions for us. And when that happens, bills like the previous two will only have more reason to be passed.

And that will be a sad, sad day.

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